I am full of burrito and curiosity
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
