we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
