normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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