hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
accomplished twins. life is a go
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize