I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
