I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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