I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
