Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
