just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
