In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
