This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
