Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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