i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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