??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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