Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
