I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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