oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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