A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
