Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
