do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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