if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
