Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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