He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
