I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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