she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
