The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
