you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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