went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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