she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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