it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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