If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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