so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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