I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize