I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
