Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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