even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
