when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
