I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
