Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
