guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
