you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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