His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
