Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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