You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
