i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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