I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
