you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
