Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
