At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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