mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
