on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
