No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
