I want to make a zoo with you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
