Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
