you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
