Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
