He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
whose parrot is this?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
