Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
