Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
