Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it glows. i had to have it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
