wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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