Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Come see our sink grown plant.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
