operation harelip BJ is a go
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
