I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
