no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
