as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
