I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
