toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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