Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
