We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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